Bed (Blame, Excuse, Denial) Time is Over!

Imagine you are on a daily stand up project meeting, and one of the team members is starting to share about a challenge that has resulted in delay or failure to deliver on time. Suddenly, the energy in the room changes, and everyone is trying to find someone to blame for the outcome. It could be a team member or outside influence like funding issue or lack of resources etc.

Then one of the members of the group comes up with the idea of converting the same situation into an excuse – resources were not allocated properly, planning was not accurate, priorities have shifted too many times.

The result is denial from the group for delay or failure – things do go wrong, we didn’t commit to delivering all these modules, or we will deliver the outcome soon or fix the defect quickly.

Blame, Excuse, and Denial - These are the typical responses when things go wrong. It is very detrimental to the team culture. When we deny that there is a problem, find an excuse and someone to blame, it does not fix anything.

Now, what happens if there is a shift in the situation? How would an empowered team or individual handle the above scenario? When something goes wrong, the first thing that the team with a winner’s mindset does (as opposed to denial) is accepting that there is an issue to be solved – they take responsibility for the outcome. It may not be favorable, but when you accept reality, it is the first step to resolving the problem.

Second, depending on the situation, either collectively as a team or individually, they take ownership to seek a solution instead of blaming someone.

The true test of a leader is someone who takes accountability. Regardless of the project success or failure, the task delivered on time or not (even though someone from the team may have missed the deadline), the leader takes accountability and works with the person or team to fix it. The difference between high performing team and an average team is just these two types of mindsets.

In personal situations, people who are used to such mental models of Blame, Excuse and Denial always play the victim card and reacts to unfavorable situations reactively as if life is throwing these situations at them and they are powerless to act. It is still someone’s else’s fault, there is always an excuse, and they refuse even to accept that there is a problem.

Similarly, in a healthy and successful relationship, we see these three qualities consistently – they come out of Blame, Excuse, and Denial mindset and continuously strive to move toward Responsibility, Ownership, and Accountability. Such relationships evolve to the next level, last longer and are full of joy. It doesn’t mean they never have problems or challenges; it’s just that they are able to find a solution without being critical of each other and have a strong foundation of trust to build on.